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Welcome to Isnana! The stories of the young West African Elephant, who is known for her devious tricks pulled on the other members of her herd. I would LOVE to hear feedback on the stories (and how to make my website look not so bland), so please do not hesitate to leave a comment (good or bad!) Happy Reading!
Hi Adriana,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea for a story! I am interested to see how you transform the Anansi tales from a spider to an elephant- Isnana sounds like she will be a very fun character. My main questions about the introduction are who the narrator is and if Isnana is dead. However I can see how those are questions you might not want to answer in the beginning.
You were really smart to put so much background information on the homepage. I think I may borrow that idea, if I may, as my own story could use more background information for the reader than the narrator would be likely to tell.
As far as the website being bland, I thought your use of multiple pictures gave it personality and matches your story. I have yet to find many ways to be creative with Google sites, but I am not particularly tech-savvy.
Hi Adriana! This sounds like it's going to be adorable! Elephants are one of my favorite animals and they are incredibly smart. I really enjoyed that the storytellers acknowledge that they are elephants and make jokes about it, that's one of my favorite kinds of humor. I also like how you set up your blog. Having a general introduction on the home page is wonderfully helpful, especially when you give us some background the stories your Storybook is based off of. Then having the actual introduction in character was nice because we got to know the narrator and kind of get a sneak peek at how the stories will be told. It was a good way to introduce Isnana in a more personal way.
ReplyDeleteLike Emily, the commenter above me, I too am curious about who this narrator is? If they are discussing Isnana's life then are they older than her and watched her grow up or are they her age and grew up along side her and maybe even joined in on some of her adventures? I have a feeling you will answer all these questions and more, though.
Excited to read more about Isnana's adventures throughout the semester!
Hi, Adriana!
ReplyDeleteI am also writing a storybook about elephant, but not about Isnana. I like the layout of your page and the background pictures. After reading a little into your introduction, I see that you’re telling stories of Isnana as you’re an elephant too. That is a great idea, which is also similar to what I am doing to my elephant-head God. I see how you are using your description of Isnana to attract readers to know more about her. You made her sound so perfect that I also want to explore her stories too. I like how you are telling the readers to read the stories in order to get to know her better. I was thinking that maybe you can tell some hints of what kinds of stories you are going to tell next. I do notice some minor grammar errors in your introduction.
Good job on your introduction. Can’t wait to read more of your stories about Isnana.
Hi Adriana!
ReplyDeleteI recently read the Neil Gaiman book, American Gods, and it got me interested in stories about the god, Anansi. I tend to like trickster type gods and characters already, and he definitely seems to be a unique one! However, I haven't really had the chance to look into many of his actual stories and folktales. So, I'm really interested in reading how you choose to approach creating your own version of them. I really like the idea of making your character an elephant instead of a spider. It's pretty much as different as you could possibly get. Also, making her a little less bad intentioned is a good way to keep the fun parts, while avoiding the more negative aspects of the tales that inspire you. The set up of your page is really nice, I love the pictures! I did notice a few minor spelling and punctuation things, but they were all very minor. Your introduction gave me just enough to want more, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your story. Good job!
Hello there Adriana!
ReplyDeleteWow something that immediately stood out to me about your storybook is the fact that your home page is AWESOME!! I have noticed that very few, if any, other people have the amount of detail on their home page. You really went the extra mile. In fact, I think I should probably have something more extensive for my story book! The first thing that your readers see is the look and feel of your blog and I feel like you got those down perfectly!! And to have an elephant as a character is so cool.. I have to admit that I need to aspire to your creativity and write more stories about creatures other than human beings! My absolutely biggest complaint about your storybook though is the fact that it is nearly impossible for me to read your first story. The background has a lot of white in it, and you use white text, so there is practically no contrast. I think if you could take the time to correct this along with the grammar mistake here and there your blog would be one of the best I have seen so far! Keep it up!
Hey Adriana.
ReplyDeleteI really love the idea behind your story and your home page however I do have one problem that really hinders my ability to comment on your first story and that is that I was really unable to read it clearly. While the idea of having one big background that your writing is on is a neat one, the background/text color combination was not working for me. I was unable to read it, I felt as though I had double vision trying to read the words and it was just not a good read for me. Some comments beyond that that I can give revolve around what I could read on your introduction and your home page. I did not read the original tales and your introduction was certainly one that peaked my interest. The idea of an outside narrator telling the elephants story was a terrific idea. When it comes to the home page, the only problem I saw was the inconsistency of using the word "pack" vs. "herd". Initially I was going to comment that the word "pack" could've been a foreshadow to a predator mentality from the narrator or main character and it still could be, but then later in your introduction you switched to describe the group as a Herd so it did leave me with a confusion. I hope that my comments were of some help!
Hi Adriana! So excited to read your work. I loved your storybook idea and execution, as well as the character you created (super clever with "Isnana" and "Anahg" playing off the original). One suggestion I had while reading — some of the paragraphs in your stories are very large, which makes it difficult, at times, to focus on the writing. Breaking the story into smaller paragraphs might be helpful to readers! Another thing I wondered while reading — is Isnana deceased at the time this is being written, or is this just a tribute to her while she's still living? I know the author is supposed to be a mystery, but it might be useful to know if she's supposed to be living or gone as these are released. Also, I think it might be helpful to make it clear in your "Nothing to Wine About" how old Isnana is at the time, since the tales promise to span her lifetime. Overall though I really enjoyed reading your stories — good luck on the rest!!
ReplyDeleteHey, Adrianna, I really loved the idea behind your storybook! I like how you've taken the stories of Anansi and made them your own. I was first introduced to Anansi and his tricks in Neil Gaiman's novel "American Gods," and I have been fascinated by his antics since. I like how you have taken inspiration from Anansi's stories and ran with it. I also like that Isnana's antics area little more light-hearted and less malevolent than those of Anansi. I also really love the look of your website; the colors are perfect and the images are great! As far as revising goes I would first take a look at your grammar and punctuation. After that my other notes are about word choice and redundancy. You some of the same phrases several times and I think reading aloud would really help with that. Sometimes you don't notice you are using the same words until you hear them out loud. Other than that, great job, I look forward to reading more about Isnana and her tricks!
ReplyDeleteHi Adriana! This is a really cool idea for your website! I really enjoyed the Intro that you wrote form the perspective of the elephant. It set a really nice tone for the rest of the storybook. Your description of the village with "rolling hills of endless vineyards" hosting an annual wine festival makes me really want to go there more than anything! I am just getting into the wine game myself and I hope to be able to go to a festival like this one day, especially if it means that I can drink wine with elephants. That sounds like a dream come true and I will definitely be adding that to my bucket list. This story was beautifully written and excellent read, I really enjoyed the how the elephant thought she was drunk from eating grapes, as that sounds exactly like what would happen to child at that age, I am sure that I did something like this at one point growing up. It made me happy that no one was mad at Isnana and they all laughed about and had a great time. I apologize for my lack of negative feedback, but I have no criticisms. Thank you for a great story!
ReplyDeleteAdriana, this story is so cute! I love how innocent and playful Isnana is. Your title is also really creative. I like how you develop her playfulness as well as a sense of the community around her.
ReplyDeleteI think the story would be more readable if you broke it up into smaller paragraphs. I like the introductory info about the village, but it would be nice to have a space between that and Isnana's antics.
Little editing point - you say it's for its in the second line. Also I think it would be better/more grammatical to say 'it was forbidden for children to have...' than it was forbidden that.
Also, I didn't think bears lived in West Africa, and I couldn't find anything when I searched. Did you change it from a tiger to a bear for a reason? Perhaps a different large animal would work better.
Very nice story, I enjoyed reading it!
Hello Adriana,
ReplyDeleteThis story was adorable. I could visualize a young girl thinking that grapes actually made you drunk. That just shows that a child is easily influenced by what they see. Taking an Anansi story and molding it to where it would fit a child was a good idea and you pulled it off. They story was pretty hard to read though. Adding some formatting would help that a lot. Separate the story some more with adding maybe a paragraph or two would make it easier on the eyes. Also indenting is your friend. Also, some sort of picture at the bottom to give the reader some sort of idea about the story would add to it. Maybe of people stomping grapes or of children at a festival. Other than that it was a great story. Looking forward to seeing what Isnana gets herself into, or out of next.
Hi Adriana!
ReplyDeleteThis story was very well written! I really liked how lighthearted it was, it seems a lot of the stories I have read have included some form of death, but your story was refreshing. I really liked how you had Isnana be so naive, it really sold the tone of the story. It was very genuine the thought process of eating grapes would make you drunk, and having Isnana made it even better. It was also a nice resolution when Elder Bear did not get mad at Isnana.
One thing that you could improve is having the label from your main page to this story be titled different. For instance, Story One: Nothing to Wine About or just Nothing to Wine About.
Hello, Adriana! Great work on your project so far! Your first image on your home page is absolutely beautiful and really does a great job of showing the reader where these stories will be taking place. Also, what an interesting topic! I love stories about animals so I was excited to see that your project was about a spunky elephant named Isnana.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I did notice about your project was that there was a bit of an issue with the size of the fonts on the Home page. It seems like there are two different fonts so it is a bit hard to follow but luckily this is an easy fix! Also, this could just be me because I have horrible eyesight, but the fonts on the other pages were a bit small.
Anyways, great work on your introduction and your story! I loved how you tied in the classic phrase "elephant in the room," and your story Nothing to Wine about was just so fun!
Great Work!
Hi Adriana!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through your Storybook! Isnana is an adorable character (and very clever name choice, by the way). I like that you made her character more innocent than Anansi, since she is only a child. It gives your stories a nice light-heartedness and makes them pleasant, rather than stressful, to read! What a great way to make the original trickster idea work for you. I think you've done a great job of mixing dialogue with descriptions of Isnana's thoughts and actions. The stories flow naturally and are easy and fun to read. I especially liked the first story, since Isnana sort of got tricked herself in the midst of her mischief! Her not knowing the difference between grapes and wine was a great plot point and so cute. I think it would be helpful for your audience if the pages' titles were the names of the stories (or shortened names) instead of "Story One" and "Story Two." That would make it easier for the reader to remember what they've read and to navigate between the stories. Great writing!
Hello Adriana!
ReplyDeleteYour story "Tales of West Africa" continued to impress me with the last entry for the semester it would seem. You stuck with the playful and child like story as your first entry, really fun and enjoyable to read. On the second story there was something that bothered me. You said the runners had grabbed Isnana's trunk when they came out of the bush and lead her towards the finish line. Then you said they were lead by holding hands to the finish line. I would keep things consistent with the setting of the animals and say paws, hoofs, and things of that nature. Other than that it was a great story with a heart warming ending. Anasi stories normally are not so joyful and you have done a great job changing that. I wish there was more to read and Isnana's adventures but I also understand life happens.
Hello Adriana,
ReplyDeleteI would just like to start out by saying that your home page was well put together and incredibly informative! I think it's so cool that you get to use original photos for this project as well! I also appreciate the play on the name of your main character! Nice!
Your stories are so sweet and childlike which is exactly the vibe you were going for! I think they might be a little too tidy in some places, like there's not enough conflict or everything just happens to work out really quickly, but overall I like the story line a lot.
I haven't seen the use of the author's everyday life implemented in the storytelling projects before so that was a really interesting! I think that helps set your storybook apart from some of the others in our class! Overall you did a great job and your descriptive ability and writing style are both amazing!
Good luck with the rest of your semester!!